30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 25

#25: Would you rather be schizophrenic or have amnesia?

I'm going to go with amnesia cause I would never know!

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 24

#24: Would you rather eat a handful of hair or lick 3 public telephones?

Neither. It is impossible to choose! Those are two of the grossest things in the world! I refuse to choose!

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 23

#23: Would you rather be able to read everyone's mind all the time or always know the future?

Read people's minds. Mostly because the unknown of the future is my favorite part about living.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 22

#22: Would you rather be rich with an unhappy job or make less money with a job you like?

It depends on how rich. I've made the decision to make less money and be happy for a $2 pay cut. But if it was way more money I would do a job I hated.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 21

#21: Would you rather not be able to use your phone or your e-mail?

I think this is outdated. My phone is also my e-mail. But I could go without my e-mail. My phone is my life!

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 20

#20: Would you rather be forgotten or hatefully remembered?

Hatefully remembered. The thought of being forgotten scares me.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 19

#19: Would you rather have a mansion in the middle of nowhere or an apartment with 10 friends?

This seems like another stupid one. Definitely a mansion. I hate roommates.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 18

#18: Would you rather give bad advice or take bad advice?

Hmmmm... that's a good one. I guess I would rather take bad advice. I would hate giving someone bad advice.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 17

#17: Would you rather know it all or have it all?

Have it all. I love stuff!

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 16

#16: Would you rather fly when you fart or pee when you laugh?

That sounds stupid. Who would want to pee when they laughed. You can hold in a fart whenever you want, but when you did fart you would fly. That's pretty cool.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 15

#15: Would you rather always lose or never play?

Always lose I guess. I can be a gracious loser.... sometimes.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 14

#14: Would you rather end hunger or hatred?

Personally, I feel if hunger was ended it would end a lot of the hatred in the world. Certainly there would still be some but you could knock out one and a half birds with one stone.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 13

#13: Would you rather hear any conversation or be able to take back what you said?

Final answer: hear any conversation. I am the nosiest gossip ever! I would give anything to hear any conversation!

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 12

#12: Would you rather have pom poms for hands or glow sticks for finger?

That seems redundant. But I'm going with glow sticks. Don't you hate it when you get to a rave and then realize you forgot your glow sticks. No longer!

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 11

#11: Would you rather say what's on your mind or never speak again?

I already say what's on my mind for the most part. Not much would change. And I love talking so I would never be able to go without speaking.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 10

#10: Would you rather find true love or 10 million dollars?

Since I am a skeptic of true love and I know for a fact 10 million dollars is a real thing I'm going to go with 10 million dollars. For everyone who says money doesn't buy happiness, it's just because you've never had 10 million dollars.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 9

#9: Would you rather live in Antarctica or Death Valley?

Death Valley. I love the hot weather!

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 8

#8: Would you rather be blind or deaf?

I would rather be deaf. It would be the hardest thing to not be able to see all the beauty in the world. I often wish I could hear all the stupidity that I hear.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 7

#7: Would you rather have a beautiful house and an ugly car or an ugly house and a beautiful car?

I'm going to say a beautiful house and an ugly car. I always make fun of people who have pimped out Hummer but live in a trailer park. It just looks like you make poor monetary decisions.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 6

#6: Would you rather lose your legs or lose your arms?

I would rather lose my legs. Either would suck a lot but I need my arms for a lot of stuff. Legs are used for walking and they make wheelchairs that make that a lot easier.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 4

#4: Would you rather be called a racist or a traitor to your country?

I would rather be called a traitor to my country. Any country does lots of things to disagree with so I may have had good reason to be a traitor. There's never a good reason to be prejudice.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 3

#3: Would you rather hold your pee forever or have an uncontrollable bladder?

I would rather hold my pee forever. When I was little for some reason I hated going to the bathroom and now as an adult I refuse to use public restrooms so I have gotten very good at holding my pee for very long amounts of time.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 2

#2: Would you rather eat a bar of soap or drink a bottle of dish washing liquid?

I'm going to go with drink a bottle of dish washing liquid. I drink a lot of alcohol that's pretty hard to get down so I'm pretty good at chugging without tasting.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 1

#1: Would you rather live without music or without TV?

Live without TV. I love music. I went 18 years of my life without TV.

30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge: Day 0

This is the start of my 30 day challenge. I really enjoy these and thought I would do one here. Most of them are really deep. I thought instead I would do a funny one. This is the start of my 30 Day "Would You Rather" Challenge. Enjoy!

The One Where Leo Shows His Groinstalk

It has been my experience that there are 4 types of people who gravitate towards employment in adult entertainment (porn).

1. People who just genuinely love sex. Everyone gets a certain amount of enjoyment out of doing the horizontal tango, but there are people who are just insatiable

2. People with very low self esteem who need affirmation of their worth even if it's coming from overweight, sweaty man who couldn't lose his V-card to a $4 hooker.

3. Foreigners who I can just never shake the feeling don't have a firm understanding of the nature of what they're doing

4. People who are desperately in need of money

Unfortunately I fall into the last category which doesn't make for the best job fit. But I have few inhibitions, and showing my deep-veined, purple-helmed spartan of love to people is not one of them. It just made sense to try to capitalize on it. I first began by sending naked pictures willy-nilly (sounds like another euphemism) around the internet to entertainment studios. Even asked one of my friends who has dabbled in the 'arts' but was turned down by all because I lacked a certain girth (I'm talking about my biceps, get your mind out of the gutter). Since I'm not a juiced up beefcake studios seemed to have little desire for someone of my stature (if my porn lingo is up-to-date, I believe I'd be called a twink). I know what you're thinking ("I'd still have sex with you"), a profession like that seems like they would take anyone who'd be willing to do the job. How many people really want to do that? Well, apparently one too many.

Just because I couldn't find a second job didn't mean my need for money somehow vanished. So I began searching for other venues of profiting off showing Prince Everhard of the Netherlands. Up came webcam jobs boasting about top models making $2,000 a week. Even to make 10% of that a week would have been satisfactory.

I filled out the paperwork, e-mailed everything to them and within two days everything was up to begin jerkin my Gherkin over the interweb.

A trait I have learned about myself over years of half-hearted relationships and one night stands is that I am terrible at expressing, and even more-so, faking emotions. I knew from the beginning that at least the first time I did this I was going to have to be drunk (crunk). After three shots of SoCo and while nursing a bottle of Stella Artios I logged into my account.

Up my face popped on the screen. You are now logged in.

I sat there, staring at myself for a few moments, unsure of what to do. No one, it appeared, seemed to want to watch me. I took a long drag on my beer. A few more minutes went by with nothing happening. My enthusiasm was dwindling.

Guest53456 has signed in!

Oh joy, my first customer!

Leo_Pearce: Hello
Guest53456: hi
Guest53456: how are you?
Leo_Pearce: Good! How are you?
Guest53456: good

Well this is easy! Everyone should do this.

Meteor has signed in!

Another one!

Brian85 has signed in!
Guest23451 has signed in!
Man.Muffin77 has signed in!

This was now just getting overwhelming.

Brian85: You're hot!

I've never been good at taking compliments, so I smiled.

Meteor: You have a nice smile.
Guest23451: I like your eyes
Man.Muffin77: You are cute.

If you ever look in the mirror and think, I am the ugliest fuck ever! just signed up to do webcam porn and you will find all the affirmation you could ever dream of. I've never thought I had great eyes, or a nice smile, but it is nice to hear that sometimes.

Leo_Pearce: Thank you!
Man.Muffin77: Leo, I want to bend you over and **** the **** outta your *** (*expletives have been replaced with asterisks)  

When you see something like that you cannot help but looked shocked. And then laugh. All of which I now know kill the mood when someone is planning on paying money for you to fulfill their fantasies.

Man.Muffin77 has logged off.
Guest23451 has logged off.
Brian85 has logged off.
Guest53456 has logged off.
Meteor has logged off.


Damnit! I logged off. I wasn't mentally prepared for that. I just needed to psych myself up and then I can get in the mood. I took another shot of SoCo, drained my Stella, and stripped to my Spiderman undies and started again.

I'm a sexy boy! I'm a dirty boy! I'm ready to degrade myself on the internet in front of all sorts of men!

I logged back on. It took a lot less time to get for customers to sign in this time. Soon I had four people chatting away and I was doing good this time. Inside I couldn't stop laughing, but on the outside I was making sexy faces and rubbing my body seductively (sarcasm).

Leo_Pearce: Big boy, I'm so lonely. I need you here to **** me.

I first had a sniffle. I ignored it. I couldn't let a runny nose ruin my moment. Then I glanced up at myself pouting sensually into the camera and noticed what had started out as a runny nose quickly escalated into a bloody nose. There was blood pouring over my face.

The only thing that can kill the mood faster than laughing at someone talking dirty is getting a bloody nose while trying to be sexy.

I quickly logged off, sprinted to the bathroom and spent the next half-hour stoppering the flood of fluid issuing from my nostril.

I took that as a sign to put my porn aspirations on a hiatus and tried another approach to making a little extra cash... blogging about the horrible (hilarious) things that happen in my life.